I am feeling more grounded and laissez faire than my last post. More letting go and more being in the present and more realising there is no need to TRY to be anything other than me. Ha ha, so how come I forget so frequently? Something will happen to throw me back into a coping way, a trying way, a should and a "have to" way. Habit I suppose and sometimes it just seems a little scary to just be myself, happy with that, what do you do then? Especially when you realise that most of what you have done to earn money required a huge amount of effort to do so, to adapt, learn new skills, fit in etc and most of the things I love to do, have not earnt me much money.
The secret I hear is to continue doing what you love and the money will follow.....so.....so be it.

I have been procrastinating, on being fully myself. I guess there was a lot of stuff to work through, to try out, to grow. Get that degree, make and break friends, have long relationships and ones where I didn't know what I was doing and why. To dream a little and wonder if I wanted a big life change, to consider children and then not have them. To re-hash unlived dreams.....mmmmm.....a mixture of stuff which I think is all par for the course at midlife.

Life has to change and our relationship to it, surely it would be a little dull if not, surely it would mean we have not learnt, grown, made mistakes and got to know ourselves if not? Surely it would mean we have not lived?

So, the saying in this picture. I would have said that was nonsense before. Trying is good, I have now decided that procrstination, even if it is about being fully yourself is a form of trying and its damn uncomfortable. Dive in. Say it, be it, write it, make it, that is doing or not doing and its much better than trying, fitting, coasting, dozing, letting each day pass you by. So I am not going to bother with try, I will either do or not do and I hasten to add that I will enjoy the not doing equally as much - life is not a test..........so....... to the sofa I go. !